Family on the Edge

Wonder is all around….

Sometimes we see it in others as they observe things for the first time… or maybe when they recognize differences. And many times wonder comes when we stop long enough to appreciate the beauty of nature. It’s all around us if we would just stop long enough.

Thanks to my family for finding time to  just be together.

(Photos taken 2/11/12 at Balboa Park’s Botanical Gardens in San Diego)

For those of you who know Carol’s dear 3-1/2-year-old lab, Chloe, you may know that she and Chris keep a “list” on their refrigerator. We call it Chloe’s Wall of Shame list.

This is an ongoing list of things Chloe takes off counters or tables as a reminder that Chris and I have not done a good job “Chloe proofing” before we leave the house. So I guess you could say it really is The Chris and Carol’s Wall of Shame list.

This past Saturday (8/27/11) Chloe got to #112 — a bag of LifeSaver candies off the kitchen counter (set back pretty far!)  After coming home to make the discovery at the top of our stairs, we took these photos.

Trying to get Chloe to see the mess she made!

A very remorseful Chloe

Chloe laughing it all off!

Some may think we spoil Chloe. And I admit we do. But the thing is we all have our “OOPSY” moments. Having Chloe reminds us about forgiveness and a good sense of humor. We think as parents, that goes a long way.

Our guest writer is a mom and  artist. Her heart below is beautiful and it’s meaning behind it even more so. Read her story behind its creation and you’ll understand why we wanted to share it with you. We think it represents the kind of family relationships Family on the Edge is all about creating and supporting.

The Wen Family Heart – by Cindy Wen, July 2011

This heart represents my family. I have had this idea in my head for quite a while and it finally came to canvas this summer with our oldest leaving to go work in Japan. I had intended for this painting to exist as a whole and then for each piece to be given to each of our children as they find themselves moving away and becoming more independent, but still ALWAYS a part of this family.

The piece on the far left represents my husband, Paul and me (larger and the style is more refined, smoothed out…mellow). The top middle represents my son, Geoff. His canvas size (smallest) was selected partially because he’s taking it to Japan with him. He is the oldest and is connected to all of us. His part of the heart is the middle and center of how I see our family growing because we learn so much from him being the oldest.

My middle child,  Courtney, is represented at the bottom middle panel. Her piece actually consists of a big part of the heart. In truth, Courtney does have a big heart. And she “looks up to her big brother”.  And the final piece at the far right represents my youngest, Sara.  I chose to paint hers with different strokes that reflect her youth, her independence, and the beginning years of truly exploring who she is. Maybe a bit more “wild” though there is a very grounded, responsible and caring person that I know of her. The three siblings will hopefully always be in contact with one another.

Now connected to all four paintings is a string I painted gold that joins all of us together. It represents the “family thread of connectedness” that I know exists no matter where we are. The idea of a string…it ties, binds, connects, attaches, leads to.

Now in just a few days Geoff leaves and takes his piece of our family heart. On our wall, it may appear a bit odd, definitely that a section of the whole art piece is missing. But I will choose to see it as Geoff having a piece of the family heart with him. The only “hole” left will be the space for him to grow…with and without us. As will be true of Courtney and Sara when their time comes.

This is the story of the Wen Family Heart.

Over a month ago, my parents celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary. My folks have been a wonderful example of living in gratitude and appreciating all they have — mostly their family!

So what could their kids possibly give them to celebrate their lives together when they have “everything”? An IPAD!

Carol's parents and their new toy!

Chris and I were the lucky ones to deliver the gift. My parents (both in their 80s) have never used a computer. It was Chris’ idea that an Ipad might just be the thing, less intimidating for them. Dad has always been fascinated over the years about the internet but held off getting “connected”.

We gave them the gift and they LOVED it! What next? We took them to their local Starbucks so we could connect to their WiFi and then they had their first lessons. Chris is a very patient teacher and focused on the very basics so as not to overwhelm them.

Dad, Mom and Chris

Since they have first received it, my nephew Geoffrey has also been their private tutor, sometimes on hour-long phone calls. Geoff is also a patient young man! Slowly but surely, my parents are getting more and more comfortable with it. Mom replies to our emails and I hear Dad likes browsing the web to satisfy his curiosity. Next up: FaceTime!

What I know from this is there is “always a first time!” My parents demonstrate it and I hope I will do the same when I am in my 80s!

(And as a side note, a huge thank you to my dear friend, Terel. Because of him I now have my own Ipad and LOVE IT and the beautiful red case!)

Carol's new toy!

A Perfect Mother's Day for Carol

Mine is not a family that material gifts are required to celebrate special occasions, although I still have and treasure the little trinkets and school-made gifts the kids made me for Mother’s Day from way back when.

Today, Mother’s Day was celebrated with the kids coordinating their schedules with Chris and me to spend time as a family. We had a nice lunch together in Menlo Park and then headed off to hike “the dish” at Stanford (that’s Hoover Tower behind and to the right of Allison’s head in the distant background). We hiked for over an hour on this beautiful day. The first part of the hike I spent with Allison on our “walk and talk” where it gave us the opportunity to share lighthearted as well as some serious discussions. Allison and I can talk about anything and everything!  And in the background, we could hear Chris and Ryan with their “guy talk”.

The second half, I got my precious time with Ryan. I treasure his company as I nonchalantly (and a bit strategically) ask him more personal things that Chris may not. You know, stuff like relationships and feelings. It means a lot to me that he can open up as he does. I think I’ve been a good “student” when it comes to having learned how to listen with respect each of my kids for the individuals they are and  how to “accept and not expect”.

This is why I’m always the first to say my children have been two of my best teachers in life. Thank you, Allison and Ryan, for a wonderful Mother’s Day gift — your precious time.

So what does one get her husband for his birthday when he feels he has everything he could ever want? A surprise dinner with his kids!

We are fortunate that both Allison and Ryan attend colleges close by. So having them pop  back into town to surprise Chris for a birthday dinner was perfect. Quite honestly every day that Chris and I have known one another we have told each other how blessed, how grateful and how in love we are with our family and each other.  Happy 50th, Chris! I love being family with you!

Thanks Allison and Ryan for making the evening perfect!

Delicious dessert to end our meal

Ryan (19) and Allison (21) are our priceless gifts

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For those who know me, you know how much Chloe is a part of my life. She has filled my empty nest and makes my daily gratitude list. She also keeps me on my toes. Chris and I have a practice in place to help us have the patience & understanding  and to find humor in Chloe’s mischievous acts. We keep an ongoing list on our frig of all the things she has hunted for, retrieved and chewed up in our home. As of today, we’re on item #76.  Her latest was the book below.

Chewed Book - October 2010

Okay… so I took the photo below, a bit staged however I think she looks a bit remorseful, don’t you?

Remorse?

Here’s the thing for me. That sweet creature gives me so much joy EVERYDAY!  I hope each and everyone of you have a “Chloe Joy Factor” in your life. Joy comes in all shapes and sizes, in the expected and unexpected. What I know is joy can be found everywhere, everyday if you just look for it.

She's just so darn cute!

p.s., Just realized she ate a full bag of her chicken chew strip treats!  #77 and counting…

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In August, I (Carol) did a first. I went backpacking!  With the idea coming from my son, Ryan and the detailed planning done by my husband, Chris, and daughter Allison and me (along with Courtney and Jared) being “pack mules”, our family headed up to Mount Lassen for what was a challenging yet beautiful trip.

Personally, I’ve got some “things” going on in my life that are challenging me. Back in my younger years, something like “this” would have overwhelmed and even derailed me. But with my practice of spirituality and coaching concepts, I can see the value in embracing the total “landscape” of my life.  So here are some thoughts I wanted to share.

First, about the trip itself… if you look closely in the photo below of Lassen Peak, you’ll see three tiny figures walking the upper rim of Cinder Cone. That happens to be Chris, Ryan and me. A photographer across the rim of this volcano snapped this photo. (Thank you, Evan!)

Hiking the Cinder Cone at Lassen

Cinder Cone is a 700-ft climb. It is tough, to say the least, as one walks this steep ascent on small pebbles the entire way up. For every three steps you take, you slide back one. On the climb, my goal was to keep up with Chris and Ryan. There were moments my heart was pounding so hard and my legs burned as I trudged through each step upward. Oh, but as we reached the top, it was clear we would be rewarded!

On the ascent, all I focused on were my feet taking steps, counting each one. “We’ll count 250 steps and then take a break.” Next, “Let’s count 150 steps.” And the higher we got and the more tired we became we agreed, “After we go 100 steps, we’ll take our next break.”  And lastly we counted in 50-step increments. I did anything to keep from looking up and seeing what felt like a never-ending journey. And then there we were… at the top!  I took a deep breath, (actually there were many!) looking back down to where we first started the hike up. I could see people who looked only a couple of inches tall!

The panoramic view was magnificent. We identified the lakes we had hiked around a couple of days before, the massive lava beds, and the painted dunes looked like a watercolor. We stood on the rim of this volcano, looking inward to where the earth once spewed dark, angry lava a few hundreds of years ago.  And we looked toward and forward to Lassen Peak where in contrast to the heat, there was still snow. Yes, the landscape was breathtaking.

As I stood at the top, taking it all in, I used this natural wonder to inspire and guide my own personal “challenge”. I connected to my own life’s “landscape”… where  there are stretches of happiness, joy, and what I call my “normal” calm day-to-day living. But then as life does, it presents all of us with adversity, sometimes crisis, and fear. At that moment, I connected to Mother Earth and my own role as a mother.

Each of us walks our own unique life journey, full of ups, downs, expected and the unexpected. I know for myself when I choose to focus on the purpose and meaning of my own life’s challenges, when I focus on my connection to something so much bigger and powerful than me (i.e., Mother Nature, the Universe,  Spirit, etc.), when I live in this way, an inner strength speaks to me. So though there may be colors and shades of dark at this moment in my life, what I do know for certain is I must take one step at a time, patiently and hopefully, as it is necessary to complete my life’s landscape.  And when I look back many years down the road from now, I know the more colors I experience, terrain I cover and storms I am able to weather, it will be a testament of a life well lived.

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Nothing like a high school reunion to take you back in time. Certainly it’s an opportunity to revisit your teen years, however, this time standing from a now experienced-filled wisdom of sorts.  As I reflect the weekend visit back to Roseville where I went to my Oakmont High School reunion, many thoughts cross my mind. Besides the fun it was to see faces from the past, it also reminded me of the many insecurities I held back then. I remembered my desire and quest to fit in with certain crowds, wishing I had boyfriends like all the popular girls, and my lack of self esteem by never feeling quite “enough”. I look back at those memories with a knowing smile today. In fact, I look back with an understanding that all those insecurities were required for my own rite of passage to my “becoming”.  Those years certainly had its painful stages. But what I do know is that it was worth the journey to get to where I am today. I am grateful for every uncomfortable, uncertain, unsettled feelings I held because it was necessary to experience in order to know what I must overcome.

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The word that stands out for me at this moment is RESILIENCE.  I work at always finding the nugget of wisdom in every uncomfortable and challenging situation. It is what has gotten me here today and what I continue to practice because it works for me.

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I loved reconnecting with girlfriends who provided me the acceptance and fun during those early years. Thanks to each of you for being there. I wish you continued inner strength, resilience and joy (esp, you PK).

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A couple of nights ago I had a wonderful dream. My grandpa visited me.

My Grandpa Yamane (Dad’s father) passed away when I was a senior in high school. It’s hard to explain but years since his death, I have felt a kind of connection with him.  I’ve had a number of dreams about him over the many years so in some ways, I feel like he is with me. The latest dream I had was a couple of nights ago.

What made this recent dream so special was in it I knew he had passed away.  I saw him and was so happy to see his smiling face. I asked him how he was. He was dressed in a suit (just like the one in the photo below). I felt so close to him, a kind of connection hard to describe. I asked him how he was. And he knew I was really asking, “What’s it like to be in the afterlife?”  I don’t remember any specific words he said, but remember this very warm, peaceful, assuring smile on his face. When I awoke from it, I lay there wanting to remember everything I could about the dream. Slowly a smile came over me, a very calm feeling within, and specifically, the concept of death held no fear for me.

Carol's Grandpa, Ellis Sadao Yamane

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For those close to me, you know I have been on my own spiritual journey for a while. And all I can say is it has been extraordinarily fulfilling for me. There’s a kind of  understanding I feel within as I practice daily gratitude, more patience and compassion of others, acceptance and respect for others on their own unique life journey.

I strongly believe our purpose “here” is to find love, joy, and a kind of peace that begins from within. And if we are so fortunate, we carry that on to our next “adventure”, wherever that may be.  I believe all individuals we cross paths with are teachers and every situation presents varied and invaluable life lessons.  And if we choose to receive them in this way, it allows us to make ongoing discoveries to that end. And so even in my dreams, where my Grandpa visits me every once in a while, I am grateful for what he wants to share and teach me.

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